I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
