My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
