Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
