Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
