you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
