His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
