Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
