you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize