remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
