Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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