Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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