watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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