Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize