Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
