A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I lost the right to judge tonight
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
