My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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