Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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