eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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