So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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