But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
