If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
