sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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