You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
