if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
