Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
