I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
