At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
