Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
