at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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