I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
