I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Randomize
