Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's the barista slut.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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