She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
