god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
