Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
