check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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