I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
