we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
