the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
