He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
