If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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