There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
