well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
