she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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