Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
