the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
