drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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