Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
