Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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