My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
