i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
